It’s getting close…you’re no doubt getting the butterflies, or you wouldn’t be here. Slow down. Get calm…there’s still time. Even if it’s in 2 days, you can just print what’s on this page and read it. But, I’m assuming you want a little prep and coaching. Let me offer a few pointers.
Weddings are a very special and unique type of event that can’t be replicated by any other type of ceremony I know. The energy that comes alive when vows are exchanged between two people can’t be replicated anywhere.
If you or someone you know has been asked to give a little speech and you’re a little shaky about the subject now that the time draws near, know that it’s normal. As we’ve all heard, people list public speaking as their number one fear in the world, often times even more than death! Imagine that. So, if you feel a little nervous, so does everyone else who’s tried it.
Let it Begin
Let’s make this brief, since you might be in a hurry.
Things to use:
1. Humor - Remember, this is just as much about the rest of the audience as it is about the happy couple. If you think you can remain calm about it, inject some laughing into your speech. It’s recommended that if you want to choose between them, you make the audience laugh before making them cry. Not that tears aren’t okay here…at a wedding they are appropriate for a very special story – especially between a mother/father and daughter/son. However, you’ll keep the mood going and people will be more satisfied as a whole when you keep them laughing when possible.
Some important distinctions about using humor
Although it can be the most memorable and powerful technique you could use, make sure not to do the following when using humor:
Tell a joke that is in any way not appropriate, demeaning, or vulgar to ANYONE, no matter who, whether you think they’re there or not. Remember, people come to weddings not only to have a good time, but to share in the good feelings that are all around. A joke that might be great when out with friends at night will almost certainly fail at a wedding, simply because it’s in the wrong context for that event. It steals the audience’s feelings of happiness, and they will not want to forgive you for that. It is in your best interest to tell light-humored jokes. It’s okay to poke fun, especially at the groom, since it’s generally socially acceptable to target guys in very slightly negative humor.
Keep away from anything the audience as a whole won’t understand. If you know of a story that happened between you and the groom, now isn’t the time to tell it. It will only serve to distance you from the audience.
Fine-tune your humor fore your audience. If you’re fresh out of college and the rest of the audience is in their later years, it’s not a safe bet that they’ll know anything about current pop music or Britney Spears, no matter how funny you think it is.
2. Reflection – There’s nothing more entertaining than a story. Your story could be a super tearjerker or a time when you were having a lot of fun or a humorous time – all with the bride or groom you’re talking about.
3. Keep it moving. If there’s one thing that kills a mood faster than anything, it’s when you appear unprepared. The bummer about this is it might not be because you didn’t take the time to think it out ahead of time, but maybe you just get clammed up. It’s okay to poke fun at yourself in a certain kind of way to get the ball rolling again if you’ve dropped it accidentally. Don’t worry – it happens to all of us. Keep a little anecdote ready for this sort of occasion, such as:
“Well, apparently I’ve lost my place. That’s what you get for unpaid help.”
For any other event, it might be poor advice, but here, if it helps you loosen up – have a drink or two ahead of time if you’re the kind – and most of us are – who will become a little more chatty because of it. However, DO NOT EVER GET DRUNK.
There are 4 major people you could traditionally be when giving a wedding speech, in the following order:
- Father of the bride/groom
- Groom
- Bride
- Best Man
- Maid of Honor
What not to say
Avoid at all costs jokes that poke fun at people. This is a common mistake, that although tempting because perhaps you saw it go well for someone else or in a movie, it almost never goes off well. However, don’t let the fear of this paint you into a corner with how willing you are to open up during your speech. If you’re too afraid of saying the wrong thing, you almost certainly will.
Don’t speak directly to one of the two. Always address the bride and groom together.
What to say
Probably the easiest and best thing to say is to give the happy couple some congratulations on their new life together. You can easily slip a story in at this time about something you did when you were younger, or when you met. To simultaneously take attention off of yourself (if you’re nervous) and to make them feel great, all with class and style, is to thank the couple on behalf of the audience and yourself as you go for letting you share in this day with them, as well as their lives.
Here are some specific points you might want to incorporate into your speech, depending on the roll you’re playing:
When you’re the father of the bride or groom:
- The specialness of this day.
- Your memories of your daughter as she grew up, including a story or two illustrating her transition from girl to woman.
- Your fondness of / confidence in the groom. How much he honored you and your family while courting your daughter.
- A showing of respect to your in-laws.
- A final thanks to the audience, and everyone who showed up today. Thank them for their presence, and let them know how much they mean to you and your new son-in-law and daughter, especially those that have traveled so far to be there.
- A final toast. Ask all to rise and join you in a toast to wish the bride and groom a long and happy life together. An example could be:
“May your lives be a symbol to us all of the love in your hearts and the joy that will last forever.”
When you’re the groom:
- I have seen many, many an instance where a groom says something to the effect of a hint at normal life after the wedding, such as “This is the last time you’ll see me speak for both of us. Since I’m married now, my wife will now tell me what to say.”
- Now that the ice has been broken, you may want to tell the story of where you met, and go ahead and have a discussion directly with your wife here, about information only the two of you know (this is the one and only place and time for insider information). “That ice cream stand on the coast” or “the tree out by your uncle’s cabin” can be used in stories to her that are special to the both of you. The audience will infer what you’re saying is important to you, whether they know of the story or not, and in this instance, it will be okay and even better for that to happen, because the audience will feel like they are being allowed to share in a special part of your lives that is very unique.
- Now you’ll want to start into what makes your wife special to you. How she cares for others, how much she is important to you.
- It’s okay to thank your wife for marrying you. It may sound a little weird on paper, but it can be great live.
- Thank family and friends for being there, some individually by name.
When you’re the bride:
- It’s actually somewhat untraditional for a bride to speak at a wedding, but if you’ve been given the obligation, or you just plain want to, carry on perhaps with some thank-yous. Your mom and dad would be a great bunch to put at the top of this list. Tell mom how awesome she looks and how proud you know your dad is.
- Thank your in-laws for being such a wonderful family and for making you feel so welcome.
- Thank your bridesmaids.
- Thank all of the audience for coming on this special day.
When you’re the best man:
- Introduce yourself. Say “hi” to the audience, tell them your name, and that you’ve been selected to be the best man, and what an honor that is.
- Tell the story of how you met the groom.
- Tell about when the bride came into his life, and the differences you saw in your friend (the groom).
- Perhaps a story here about something you saw them doing together, and how at that moment you knew it really hinted that their futures would culminate here today, with them getting married.
- Make a broad, general statement about love, life, or happiness. An example might be:
“True love is a person’s soul connecting with the love of another’s”
- Congratulate the couple and with them the best.
When you’re the maid of honor:
(This is largely like the groom’s speech above).
- Introduce yourself. Just as for the groom, say “hi” to the audience, tell them your name, and that you’ve been selected to be the maid of honor, and what a privilege that is.
- Tell a story of how you met, or, if you’ve known each other for a long time, maybe of how you grew up together, and what you saw in your friend, and how you always knew that someday she’d meet Mr. Right.
- Perhaps tell how the both of them (bride and groom) are special on their own, but when they come together, they complete each other in a way that is truly unique.
- Wish them the best, all the love their hearts can feel, and offer a toast.
